damn mess computer

I was just told that facebook users of that used facebook through one of the computers at mess will get the spam and go through the same shit as me. Well now that i've known that, I guess I can say that I'm back on facebook, although I'll probably refrain from checking facebook from camp..

facebook

i think i lost any hope i had towards facebook.

for the second time, i closed my account again, this time due to some stupid scam shit.

Fuck la, I think these social websites are not for me.

Maybe something out there is trying to tell me to stop using facebook.

Fine, no facebook then.

I think I should stop with all these facebook stuff.

Better yet, no more social networking stuff.

Its not like i'm actively chatting or messaging to anyone on my account.

All I did was to check whether or there are any notifications.

And to stare at the photos posted by my "friends" on facebook.

Cyber-stalking, that's what it is.

And I don't feel good doing that.

Maybe I'm not meant to be a social animal.

I mean,

I always feel awkward in groups.

I talk and mumble to myself.

I guess this is what happens when I see myself as an Anti-Social.

Maybe, deep down, I just don't like to socialise.

Self-Content.

With myself, seeing no need to be with others as I myself is good enough for me.

But that in itself is also a problem.

I think my self-content has caused me trouble for my academics, my A levels and my future.

I failed, and did not see any need to improve or push myself harder, told myself it will be ok andthat I will get over with this.

But no, it is not ok.

Nowadays I'm living a life of regret.

Regret over this, regret over that.

There are many things that I can list down that I have been regretting.

That will be a really long list.

But my main driving point is that

"I should have worked harder"

I don't remember the last time I truly worked hard for my future.

It seems that I could only work hard for irrelevant or short-term projects that will do little benefit for my own future.

I find that this is saddening and disappointing.

With all these attitude problems, even if I manage to enter to a private university or a poly, it would probably go to waste as I don't know how to work hard.

I could say (give excuse) that, yeah, later I'll surely learn to better and improve.

But later, tomorrow, next week, month, year will never come.

And all thhat time wasted waiting for me to improve will never come back.

I'll just grow old and be a burden to family and society.

Maybe what i'm really doing is that i'm sub-consciously decreasing my circle of friends and contacts, because I will only cause them trouble in the future,

So it is better that they do not know me.

And from the looks of it,

This awful process has started a long time ago.

Back when I deleted friends from my first facebook like crazy,

I remember hesitating to add back all those people I deleted the last time.

Even on the streets,I always happen to see people who

I've known and talked to, and befriended.

But I always avoided them.

Because I don't want them to see me,

I don't want them to ask about me,

I don't want them to worry about me,

I don't want to add to their burden and troubles.

Stupid facebook.

2012 and anime

a new year..
if you've been reading my blog,
the only thing for you to notice is that the list of anime (which is on the left) gets longer every now and then. Currently that list is the only thing here in this blog that is updated. Somehow I am just not motivated to blog. There are also some anime in the "Currently Watching" that I'm also not motivated to complete (Fafner in the Azure; Touch; Monster), telling myself that I'll do it some other day, some other time.

From Kung Fu Panda: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called Present."

Sometimes current anime, or anime I found are just too appealing that I started to watch the whole series, and forget anime that are currently being watched.

Uniforms uniforms

I was just reflecting on my love for anime cosplay and anime uniforms.The thought of creating and wearing anime uniforms especially from my favourite Gundam animes.

So why not create a club where anime and manga lovers and otakus can gather and do activities together. Why not create the club as a CCA or a interest group in a poly or some institute. There'll be a lot of sewing, since the bulk or the focus of the club will be to cosplay. But other activities are also welcome, such as toy modeling, discussions and spreading the truly unique japanese culture that revolves around anime and manga. I have a feeling that this idea of mine already exists, so I'll just join the club if it is already there, and that will save me so much problem..

Uniforms which I would like to make and/or wear:
- Zeon uniform from Gundam
-Earth Federation uniform from Gundam
-ZAFT Green, Red, Black and White uniforms from Gundam Seed
-Earth Alliance uniform from Gundam Seed
-OZ uniforms from Gundam Wing
-Neo Zeon uniforms from Gundam Unicorn
-Titans uniform from Zeta Gundam

As you can see I'm only interested in the military uniforms from the Gundam series. I like the design and it looks quite stylish. Especially Zeon uniforms from Gundam MS Igloo, which are heavily based on the uniforms worn by WW2 German soldiers.

Already I am thinking of converting a disused MP No.3 uniform into a Zeon uniform. Sieg Zeon!!

I think it will also be exciting to sew a costume for a girl. But then again, there are probably not many girls out there who share the same fetish I have towards military uniforms.

I also thought of creating anime badges for the cosplay uniforms that denotes which anime the wearer has watched. You know how military personnel will have those small coloured badges pinned on their uniforms that shows their amount of experience or achievements? I'm thinking of doing the same thing. Here's a few examples;
-for the original 0079 Gundam series, a badge that is top half blue and bottom half red, a yellow border around the badge and the head of RX-78-2 in white in the middle of the rectangular badge.
-for Gundam 00 first season, a badge that is top half green and bottom half blue with the head of the Exia in white in the middle of the badge.
-for Gundam X, a badge that is top half red, bottom half blue with a white border and the head of Gundam X in white with a yellow v-fin in the middle of the badge.

I could only think of gundam badges because I'm crazy about Gundam.

CCCLXXXIII DAYS TO ORD.

The Medical Pathway to Signing on.

I have been told that I should go and sign up for a poly course now. But the thing is that I don't really know what course I should pursue. I'm thinking of following my sister and go nursing. Even if I'm going nursing, signing on in the army is still an option I might want to take. Get diploma in nursing then sign on to be a medic or medical military expert. Why not now? I don't really want to sign on now. Especially since I don't really like what I'm currently doing now. But this is not to say that I hate becoming an MP. I actually am proud to be an MP. I just don't like what I do after becoming an MP. I hate the idiots that I work with. I'll be happier working somewhere else, I believe. But if I manage to become a medical soldier, I hope my luck won't be bad enough that I'll end up in where I'm working in now, again.

I can't seem to see myself doing anything else for a living other than some thing that involves the wearing of uniforms.Be it as a soldier, policeman, firefighter, civil defence medic, customs , ICA, or a student.. I think that I'm addicted to wearing uniforms.

I should expand my imagination and find other possible careers.

CCCLXXXIII DAYS TO ORD.

1 year soldier, not yet.

I have already been promoted to the rank of Lance Corporal a month ago, but I have not reached the one-year mark for my National Service. Long way to go. I hate going to work. I literally drag myself to work. I wanted to transfer but I'm just to scared to ask for one. So I'm just stuck with this shitty job for at least half a year more.. I don't think that I'll be upgraded from floor duty anytime soon. Furthermore, the lack of my batchmate, only makes life more miserable. I think that jackass is enjoying life somewhere out there.

Anyway, need to spend less money. I believe I've spent way too much money this month. There was the Anime Festival. I stupidly bought model kits. I should've bought more anime shirts instead. But still at the end of the day, I was going to lose money anyway. Looking forward to next year's.

Also need to exercise more. I was able to endure 3 x 20 minutes intervals of running. I just hope that I have a chance to get gold for ippt. The last one I took (which was in MPTS) ended up in silver due to my 2.4km run and the shuttle run. First time in life I did so badly in shuttle run. I used to easily get A for shuttle run. I guess my lack of running and sprinting is showing. As for the 2.4, I missed it by 5 seconds.

In my effort to achieve the gold, I've already started running. I bought new running shoes from new balance. While all of my previous shoes were running cushioning shoes, the ones I bought were focused more on stability. They look nice, with a white, green, grey and black colour scheme like Tiger from Tiger and Bunny (an anime), and it feels great while running. Perfect for running on the treadmill in the gym in camp, havent really tested the shoes outside, although I do walk to work wearing the new running shoes. One and only thing I dislike about the shoes is their complete lack of grip and traction on wet surfaces. I think it has something to do with how much surface contact the sole of the shoe has on the surface. I'm guessing that too much contact makes the shoe slip on wet surface. Or maybe it's just the material of the shoe soles. I'm not really sure, but I'm would really like to run with my shoes outside rather than just running on the treadmill all the time.


CCCLXXXIV DAYS TO ORD.

Destiny of the Desert

I will move on and as long as I know that I'm alive
It never stops, life goes on!

Everyday my sanity is tested in this place I know.
The wind it seems to blow through me.
As I wander on beside the rising of the morning sun,
I see it smile and laugh at me.
Only if a moment of concentration,
Is lost and that may have cost you your life.

I will move on and as long as I know that I'll survive,
The Desert can't slow me down!
I drop down to my knees and raise my eyes up to the sky,
The Desert's a lonely place.
And the sand is rising as it spins,
Is lifted by the scorching winds,
It never stops, but life goes on!

CD days to ORD!

Self-Praise

It seems like a really large, blackened pearl.
And the tighter you hold it the harder it gets.
A lump of mud so black that it shines.
Its shape is irregular.
But this is the shape that I made with my own two hands.
It's not because I'm going to turn it into a beautiful gemstone one day.
But, what matters is that I made it to become the world's most beautiful
Lump of mud.